that pretty much done it for me.

I think I'm done with being part of a corrupt organized religion.

I know there's something out there. Something more.

There just can't be nothing, we can't all just be accidents.

The feelings we hold inside us just seem too much to be meaningless.

I don't want to be part of any religion.





But I do believe there's still something.

the past few days I've been having nightmares.

It's pretty random.

and the dreams really don't make any sense at all.



I think school's been stressin me out too much lately.

is dead. :P

till Wednesday probably.

I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Fainted to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What's the point?
I'm but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won't have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I face the fact that I'm just fine
I said that I'm just fine
I remember, head down,
After you had found out
Manna is a hell of a drug
And I need a little more, I think
Because enough is never quite enough
What's enough?
I took it like a grown man crying on the pavement
Hoping you would show your face
But I haven't heard a thing you've said
In at least a couple hundred days
What'd you say?
I was in the front seat, shaking it out
And I was asking if you felt alright
I never want to hear the truth
I want to hear your voice, it sounded fine
My voice, it sounded fine
I could feel my heartbeat taking me down
And for the moment, I would sleep alright
I'm dealing with a selfish fear
To keep me up another restless night
Another restless night
The blood was dry, it was sober
The feeling of audible cracks
And I could tell it was over
From the curtains that hung from your neck
And I realized that then you were perfect
And my teeth ripping out of my head
And it looked like a painting I once knew
Back when my thoughts weren't entirely intact
To pray for what I thought were angels
Ended up being ambulances
And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter
She was crying inside your stomach
And I felt love again

manchester orchestra<3

she's so effin cute. and I'm so fucking stupid haha. I haven't felt this way in a long time, I hope I don't fuck things up.

Never give up.

has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I really don't think I know who I am anymore.
I used to be so sure of it.
But as I sink into every seat of every class I slowly realize more clues that show me exactly what I've been doing to myself.
I care way too much about those that don't deserve it.
I guess the first thing that I noticed was how different everyone was once I cut my hair. As stupid as this sounds.
It kinda hurts, but then again it kinda feels nice.
I see where everyone leaves their blind judgement and cares oh so much about.
The calcium that grows on top of all of our scalps.
It's pathetic; honestly, I care about hair too, mine at least.
But I never judge or treat someone differently because of it. Which is what just about everyone at Cypress Lake High School likes to do.
Do you like picking and choosing all of your friends based on appearance?
I feel like there is more to a person than just the nice clothes their mother buys them, or how super cool long their hair is, even if its dyed a billion colors.
It goes the same for piercings.
Once a shitty person, always a shitty person.
It doesn't matter how much makeup you will put on your gross face in the morning.
Why do we all care what everyone thinks about us at a place such as SCHOOL?
Are we all that desperate just to find someone cute to call boyfriend or girlfriend?
Or are we all willing to get as many girls and boys we can in our bed at one time?
So much in people makes me sick to my stomach.
Like the simple idea that making someone else feel like shit for missing out on something, not doing things the way you would do them, and the way they look,
will make yourself feel oh so much better.
We all take as many photos as we can, making the sexy faces and half naked poses in our broken mirrors, just to hate ourselves for not being like the girl and guy in some magazine or in some band.
Then post them on myspace, hoping we get that one response from ANYONE; it doesn't even matter who its from, as long as we get that comment.
Of coarse there are some things that are acceptional. Like looking nice to get a job, looking nice just to not look like a bum, etc.
But when we do it just for our own greedy and vain ambitions? It's just shitty, in my opinion at least.
I'm sure this won't stop any of you that already do this, but at least I hope you like putting on a mask in the morning, making yourself appear to be someone you're not, just so that special someone will notice you.
Face it, we're all ugly, some people just have different tastes in all the bullshit people cover themselves with.

is beautiful. i love fall so much.

was fucking stupid. Had to go through 2 stupid acts that weren't even worth watching, then the fire department made EVERYONE in the building get OUT then INSIDE. I was in the front, then got moved all the way to the back. So me Austin, Jessica, and Timmy said fuck it, and made a sign that said "Fuck Icabods" and posted it on their window so EVERYONE inside could see that we really don't like that place :)


So ironically, it was kinda a nice night.

I finally got to use my umbrella. and once i used it.. the whole thing broke.

For the past week I've been wishing it to rain

I really need to test out my umbrella




Jack's Mannequin almost makes my bad days better. 

I'm really glad I finally let all that out tonight.

I hope they know exactly how I feel about all of that stupid bullshit.

To restate it all once more;

1. I don't give a fuck about hardcore dancing(I do it cause I'm bored, not to act tough)
2. I don't give a fuck about how I look when I hardcore dance(Do you think I do it so you think I'm cute?)
3. I don't go to hardcore shows to hardcore dance so people think I'm tough. (hahaha, grow up)
4. To even have the mentality to think you are a tough person, you are pathetic, and it's very funny. (You'll amount to nothing)

anyways, like I was saying before; I'm glad I let them know, so maybe now they get a clue to drop the ego's and understand that no one really gives a fuck about their petty ways and actions.

Here's some things useful you are gonna want to know, if you want to talk to me. 

I'll be an asshole to you if-

was interesting. I was really sick in the morning and yesterday, but as the day went on I felt really good. But yet I still have this feeling in my stomach that just wants to burst out. I don't know what it is, it's usually only when I think about that one thing that somewhat matters to me. 

Eh...

I get ahead of myself too much.

 I haven't checked it in so long

I guess I had like 3 comments telling me I was an ugly piece of shit, and that I need to get over myself.

I don't know what I did, I like to joke around a lot but for the most part I'm never serious. I try to be nice to everyone I meet. If you take me serious then that's your own fault.. cause I tell everyone to never take me serious in that sort of way. 

And I know I'm not good looking, I never thought I was, and I could care less if I was any sort of handsome in your eyes.

Grow up, cause apparently the only way you can be content with yourself is if you tell me why you don't like me through my truth box on myspace. It's kind of pathetic; I guess I am better than you, whoever you are. Since you're such a coward and all.

So answer me this; How can these people that I don't know at ALL.. know me more than I know myself? And think they can tell me how to act, or how I should act? It's sad, everyone just loves provoking anything that talks. I love being in a town of 12 year olds, everyone just loves bringing others down, that way we can all feel like they do; like pieces of fucking shit. That's all this town is full of. You're all gonna grow up and be no bodies :) and I'll be the one to just laugh. But the sad thing is, I'll also probably be the one to help you when you come to me. I guess I'm a weak person that way if you think so. But I can't help but just be nice to everyone, no matter what they've done. 

Anyways... go ahead and say what you want, it might hurt my feelings, but it won't stop me from doing anything that I want to do :). Since I know I piss you off, I'll just be myself still and piss you off more! Because that's exactly what I live for, making you more aggravated, and making myself more happy. :)

This town is nothing, but the home to the weak, and the pathetic. If you love Fort Myers I feel really bad for you. 

all of a sudden obsessed with the ocean?

It was like, cool for a little bit, now everyone is overdoing it and it's just annoying as fuck now. 

it's been so long since I've been on this. Well might as well start putting drama back in my life so I can broadcast my emotions and feelings to the world for sympathy! :D

















jk :P  

That I did have on here, are now private, I don't have anything copyrighted, so I don't want anyone to use my material :P


I'm paranoid I know, but just ask me if you want to read them, and most likely I'll say yes.

It's 2:15am and I can't sleep, paranoia and fear has struck-en me to which i don't know how my future will end up as. I am always worried something will happen wrong, or I will end up screwing up. But as I log on to myspace, (something that is very rare to happen on a site such as this) I see a bulletin that is titled, "TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY NO MATTER WHAT I WENT THROUGH!" and I'm curious, because it relates to me and how my day went. So, being curious enough, I click on the bulletin and read what it had to say, and honestly It's exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

Here's what the bulletin said:

" TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY NO MATTER WHAT I WENT THROUGH!!!!!!!!! I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies,caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called JESUSCHRIST, you will make it to a place called Success.


God Bless."


You know what gets me the most? Even if there isn't a "god" even if there isn't a "Jesus Christ" (which I believe in both very strongly) just saying the man's name, or the word god, can give someone so much confidence in themselves it's insane, even if this man that did die or "didn't even exist" was infact false, I am still glad as hell someone like that was made up/ or was at least just human, because he was the most amazing man alive EVER apparently, to be heard by this many people and remembered over 2000 or so years later. He's one hell of a role model that's for sure, and despite what people think, this will help me get through everything that is tough for me, being a true religion or not.

I guess that's what people don't see when it comes to most religion, or at least this one, a lot of kids I notice just expect to get handed things and EVERYTHING will be alright and life will be perfect. Were we EVER promised a perfect life? And to those kids that say "well why would god let bad people like that do fucked up shit." I have two words for you, Free Will. He gave all of us it, it's why I'm able to choose what I want to do in life and why others sadly had a bad enough life to where they end up wanting to do something drastic and horrible.

I guess that's about all I had to say, I'm pretty content again with life. :]

Oh, and to you tough guys that think you're badass, don't come to me saying "GODDON'TEXISTD00D3!"

because honestly, I don't give a flying fuck to what you have to think/say.

I fucking am getting so tired.
Of the immature jokes.
Of the immature excuses.
Of the immature games.
Of the immature attitudes.
Of the immature kids.


Can anyone please grow the fuck up?

And what I love about it all, is that no one is even offending me personally, or personally attacking me.

They're all just really fucking immature kids haha, I guess I'm just growing up too quick for my own good?

No..fuck that haha they're all just fucking stupid. lol

"You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can't wait through everything"


"Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually."


Yeah, that about summed it up.

go ADTR.<3